..and so I have a blog.

You’re just too good to be true.

I guess I must have done something good to meet you?
I’m trying to remember why I was afraid to be true myself…
I guess I never had someone like you.
To help me fit in and be comfortable in my own skin (rhyme!)…
I guess I never has someone who believed that I can be nice, that I am nice.
I never liked myself.
Impulsive.
Crazy.
Smart, but in a rather stupid way.
By not letting you know me as me I am being selfish, I guess.
Selfish, cuz. I’m scared that if you’ll know me, you’ll leave me.
That you’ll hate me.
I’m not even thinking if I was fair to you.
I guess my twisted logic got the best of me.
It’s like:
Tell her, she’ll look down on you.
Don’t tell her, she’ll not look down on you.
I guess I was looking at things too narrowly.
I wasn’t looking at the bigger picture.
I want you to hate me, so that I can conclude that I am mean, bad, insensitive and all the negatives there are in the dictionary.
I wanted you to leave, so that I can curse the world and conclude that everyone always leaves me behind.
Yet, I secretly do not want you to leave.
I do not want you to go.
Yet, as much as I don’t want you to go,
I keep asking myself…
"Am I being selfish in not letting her go?"
"Would it do her any good if I stay?"
"I love her…but is she happy?"
"God, she almost died cuz. of me…definitely I’m not good for her…am I?"
I love you so much.
I never felt this way for someone, never cared this much for someone.
The intensity is just too great. It scares me.
I feel your love too.
the feeling of loving and being loved back is too good to be true.
It scares me.
I want you to be happy. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if it means that you’ll leave me but please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go. Please stay… GODDDDDDDDDD!!!
I’m not doing any good at all.
I should improve my life, so that I can be a better person. I want to be a better person.
Would it be too late?
Is it too late?
Would you still be there by then?

8:50 AM. Netopia.

Just took the midterms for lit. I finished earlier and now I have no where to go and nothing to do (Actually, I have LOTS of things to do but I’m letting my laziness prevail ;p). So, hello and welcome to my blog.

I used to have a blog somewhere (won’t tell you where…’til you ask nicely and by nicely I meant bribing me with vanilla ice cream and dark chocolates…;p) and for sometime, I actually thought of updating it again (Like, the last update was last summer, I guess? And the layout’s so outdated) but I decided to make a new one instead.

Why make a new one, you might ask? It’s nothing complicated, really. I’m just lazy and updating the layout of my previous blog would take time. Hahaha. So, I have to go now. I still have to attend a lecture in Humanities.

~~~Grace~~~